


Overloaded by Reality

by emberhime



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Childhood Memories, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fear, Insecurity, Loneliness, M/M, Memories, Suicidal Thoughts, klance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9432218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emberhime/pseuds/emberhime
Summary: Darkness surrounds him, comforting him like a giant blanket. The only place where he could show his fear without anyone else knowing.Keith is slowly losing himself as his fear eats away at him every passing day. How could anyone have known, he always kept to himself. Keeping it hidden from his friends, his family.





	1. Overwhelming Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty, this is my first fic on here so hopefully, it is half decent. I came up with the idea when I was randomly thinking of headcanons and I was like hey what if Keith was suffering from 'something' (can't really say cause you will find out later) and had a playlist to help him cope with it so that's where this angsty fic came from.

“End simulation!” A voice shouted as they ran towards Keith, who was laying on the ground unable to move due to the pain he was in. Keith’s arms were crossed in front of his face waiting for the impact from the attack the gladiator was going to deliver. Only minutes prior Keith’s bayard had been knocked out of his hands across the room leaving him completely defenceless and at an enormous disadvantage.

 

A small shaky breath escaped Keith’s lips as he was gently pulled up into a sitting position, his eyes still squeezed shut in fear. The red paladin was completely dazed as he sat there, unable to answer the questions he was being asked. The voice kept asking him if he was okay and why on earth he thought that it was a good idea to be alone training on level four. Keith slowly opened his grey eyes, readjusting to the brightness of the training deck, staring right into the bright blue eyes of the paladin kneeling before him.

 

Keith sighed softly before he spoke, “Lance there’s no freak-out, I’m alright so there is no reason to be causing a fuss.” Lance looked at him in a way of asking him if he was absolutely sure or just saying that so he wouldn’t worry, in a silent but sure reply Keith gave him a small nod of reassurance.

 

With the confirmation that Keith was definitely alright, Lance stood up to exit the training deck to get back to what he was doing previously. Lance slowed as he neared the doors turning back to the red paladin who was still sitting on the ground.

 

“If you need me, or the rest of the team, you can find us down at the lounge,” Lance informed Keith before turning away and finally exiting the room leaving Keith alone with his thoughts once again. A string of curses escape his lips as his fist met the ground in anger, not only had he screwed up big time but Lance had to come in and save his ass before he got injured too badly.

 

His body ached as he got off the floor slowly, groaning softly as stood up fully. Keith scanned the room looking for his bayard, once his eyes landed on his weapon and he walked towards it picking in up before heading slowly back towards his room.

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

As Keith walked down the dark halls of the castle he was confused for a moment as they were usually bright, realisation crossed his face once he remembered what Lance had told him not too long ago. A sigh of relief escaped his lips, Keith was glad that none of the other members of Team Voltron was going to bother him. It was just him and his thoughts, alone in the darkness.

 

Keith was completely exhausted, he entered his room just as slowly as he had walked there, placing his bayard on the empty desk which sat in the corner of his dark room. He stripped down out of his sweat covered training gear which he was wearing. Deciding on a loose fitting black shirt Keith pulled it over his head letting it settle over his slim body. He tied up the string of his maroon sweatpants tightly so they wouldn’t fall down, they had fit him at one stage but now his figure had gotten smaller.

 

Frustrated tears roll down his cheeks as he sat on his bed, fists clenched tightly in balls. Keith reached for his phone which was sitting on his pillow, as he turned it on he put his earphones in. He opened Spotify and pressed on the only playlist he had downloaded before they left earth months ago. The music began to fill his ears blocking out the rest of the world around him.

 

While it is known by the other paladins that Lance has insecurities which lead him to believe that he is the only one on the team which can easily be replaced unlike the rest of his teammates, who all have their own special talents which make them irreplaceable. In Keith’s opinion that was completely untrue as Lance was unique, and couldn't be replaced.

 

What nobody knows are the insecurities and fears that Keith has to deal with on a daily basis. The driving force and reason behind all the constant training he was always putting himself through. This was the reason why he preferred to be alone, so he wouldn’t have to disappoint anyone.

 

All he does is train,

 

_and train,_

 

_and train._

 

If he stopped now then he would become weak. He would only be letting his teammates down.

 

The fear which was driving him to hell and back was the fear of imperfection and failure.

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

In his mind nothing he ever does is right. No matter how many times he may be told by everyone that he is a strong fighter and how much of an amazing pilot he is, Keith will never truly be able to believe them. Not even for a second. The pressure he is putting on himself is tearing him down inch by inch, slowly destroying him with each coming day.

 

Keith couldn’t even remember a night where he had a decent rest. He could never sleep for more than an hour, and that in itself was rare. His time was spent constantly training, on both the training deck and in his room, this is what took up Keith’s lonely nights.

 

With the amount of training, he was putting himself though he needed to be eating healthy, with three meals a day, but Keith didn’t have the time to take a break. Eating became a rarity for him, only eating when the team ate together.

 

His aim was to become faster and stronger, nothing else was important to him anymore. As these dangerous obsessions grew into a lifestyle Keith was drastically losing more weight, to an extent where he was completely underweight, yet somehow nobody noticed.

 

Keith made sure that he never changed in front of the other paladins anymore, only behind the closed doors in the privacy of his room. He still wore his signature jacket every day, but it would become too hot wearing it during training so a long-sleeved t-shirt would replace it covering the horrible effects on his body.

 

Nobody could ever know how badly his thoughts were destroying him, tearing him down from the inside out. Keith kept it a secret that he had brought his phone with him, only Pidge knew as they charged it for him of their laptop. He was glad that Pidge kept it a secret, he didn't need the others to know as they would pry, and if it was taken from him he would be completely lost.

 

As his playlist played it drowned out his thoughts which always became too much for him. Over and over again Keith would turn to self-inflicting pain on himself as a way to cope, and as a way to help release the pent up anger which he held towards himself so he would never blow up at his teammates. Knowing what is was like to feel completely alone he never wanted to go through that horrible feeling again which is why he would push himself so hard. Even though he hated being alone he would rather deal with his thoughts in the solitude of his room than around his friends.

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

Glancing at the bright phone in his hands Keith opened his photos slowly scrolling through the small collection of memories which were stored on his phone. It would be surprising if the other paladins were to find out as Keith didn’t seem like the type to have personal photos on his phone.

 

As the music blared on through his earphones Keith’s eyes filled with more warm tears, they slowly rolled down his cheeks dropping onto the screen in his hands. It was as if his breathing had stopped completely as he stared at one photo which stood out amongst the others. 

 

In the photo, there were three people who were much younger than he was currently. They all smiled brightly for the camera with their arms tightly around each other without a care or worry in the world. In the middle was a small boy with a messy mop of black hair and bright grey eyes, he was around seven and he had a toothy smile on his face. The taller boy beside him only had a small smile on his lips but he too was happy, he looked around fourteen and looked very similar to the younger boy beside him except for his hair which was much shorter. 

 

The final person in the picture was a girl, who was smaller than both boys, she had long curly dark brown hair and had the biggest smile out of the three. She held up a peace sign with her free hand in a cheeky way. The girl looked around six making her the youngest of the three

 

Memories of the day the photo was taken flooded Keith’s head, a sob escaped his lips as he looked at the picture one last time before switching his phone back to sleep. He tried to hold it in, but the hurt came out all at once in the form of a silent scream. Tears began to fall down one after another, with no sign of stopping anytime soon. He collapsed on the bed as muffled sobs wracked against his chest. Everything around him became a blur, and the music in his ears became blared on so he was unable to hear anything in the world around him.

 

He had lost everything, all because he was weak. All Keith wanted to do was scream into oblivion. It had seemed like hours had passed as his body trembled, sobs still wracking his small body. He was blocking out everything with his music, not able to hear the soft knocking on his door.


	2. Shocking Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is restless as something doesn't feel right so he decides to go and see what's wrong, not expecting to see what he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever but I did a ton of planning to write this, though I'll probably add more to it later. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it! Also, Spencer I hope this once again meets your angsty standards.

The movie had finished hours ago but something kept Lance up, unable to fall asleep. Something didn’t feel right. It was bothering Lance, the way Keith was acting just didn’t seem right even for Keith. Even though Keith was usually reserved and always training this was different. 

 

Lance rolled onto his back getting off his bed giving up on trying to sleep, he wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway with his thoughts running like this. In all honesty Lance was worried, he hoped that there was nothing wrong and Keith was just being his usual self.

 

Soft footsteps were all that could be heard through the large castle, the halls were darker than earlier with no light coming from anywhere. Lance had walked the halls enough in the path months to know his was around in the dark, plus Keith’s room was only a little down the hall so it wasn’t overly hard to find.

 

Stopping at the door he stared at it for a moment wondering if he should check on Keith or just leave, for all Lance knew Keith could be asleep and there was nothing wrong. Lance knocked softly on the door but there was no answer. About to turn away Lance froze at the muffled sound he heard behind the doors, it was a sound he was very familiar with.

 

Slowly Lance entered Keith’s room, not expecting the sight before him. Keith was curled up on his bed trembling as he cried into his pillow, completely unaware that someone else was with him. Unsure what to do Lance shut the door and walked over to the edge of the bed sitting down, it was like everything was going in slow motion. 

 

Never had Lance thought that he would ever see Keith in such a state, he was in a state of shock processing the situation. Feeling the shift on his bed Keith’s breathing halted for a moment before he looked to see who was sitting beside him, his face was red and blotchy with tears still rolling down his cheeks like waterfalls.

 

Keith had hoped that it would only be Shiro but that was not the case, of course it had to be Lance of all people. Sure, Keith was mad that it was Lance but he was in no state to get mad at him so he didn't snap or yell. He just simply turned away to face the wall, his body still trembling like it was earlier.

 

Unsure of how to react Lance gently pulled Keith onto his lap into a tight hug, taking out his earphones placing them on the bed. Feeling Keith tense in his arms Lance gently rubbed circles in his back to let him know he wasn't going to hurt him, and that he was only here to help.

 

This feeling of warmth and home was something Keith hadn’t felt in a long time, he wasn't used to it but he knew now that he missed it dearly. Keith had been trying to hold back his tears not wanting to break down completely in front of Lance but his tears out burst like water from a dam.

 

He sobbed into Lance’s chest unceasingly, his hands tightly clutching at his shirt no wanting him to leave like everyone else had. Keith didn’t want to be alone anymore, it hurt so much knowing what it was like to be truly alone. Everyone had left him too fast, like in a blink of a second his whole life had been flipped upside down. His mother and sister were killed in an accident which he was blamed for by his father, after a week he was shipped off to live with his Aunt and cousin across the country. Lance held him in silence letting him release his emotions, rocking him gently as Keith’s tears soaked his chest.

 

His mind was in a haze unaware of what was going on. Keith had lost all sense of reality, his entire body felt numb as clung to Lance. His loud sobs filled the room and his ears, blocking out any other sounds. He didn’t even realise he had began hyperventilating until he heard Lance’s soothing voice softly telling him to take a deep breath in, and out.

 

Gently Lance ran his fingers through Keith’s hair as he rubbed circles in his back, slowly repeating those simple words into Keith’s ear to help guide him back to reality. It took a while to calm his breathing but Lance kept repeating as many times as he needed to until Keith collapsed fully onto him, his breathing slowly returning to normal with each breath.

 

As Keith laid against Lance’s chest he braided his hair to distract himself as Keith gained more control over his breathing. Panic attacks weren’t something new for Lance, his younger sister had them so learned what helped calm someone and guide them through it. Usually it was his older siblings who dealt with it but once they left for college it was Lance’s job, which he didn't mind as he loved his sister dearly.

 

Noticing that Keith had fallen asleep Lance pressed his lips gently onto his forehead kissing it softly. He moved Keith’s phone onto the bedside table making sure the music wasn’t playing. Lance lifted up the covers moving Keith gently to lay him underneath them, before he laid down beside him.

 

Once he had pulled the covers up over them Lance wrapped his arms around Keith pulling him close to his body hugging him. Now that Lance was sure that Keith would be comfy he closed his eyes drifting off to sleep still holding Keith close in his arms, not wanting to loose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter wasn't as long as the last I think it is the perfect length. Feel free to bookmark it if you want to find out what happens with our space babies.
> 
> ps Spencer this is the birthday present I was talking about, I know it's probably a few hours late but this is for you!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, if you did feel free to bookmark it so you can read future chapters. I just want to thank censorspencer for 'encouraging' me to write this angst and I hope it meets your standards of angst.


End file.
